Picture a human being so intelligent they can actually solve the 3-body problem, so charismatic they can charm inflation, so visionary they can start a shoe factory off pig skins, and so witty their speech sounds like Shakespeare. Simply put, excellent.
The only problem? That person doesn’t exist.
But, every five years Malawians act like they do. We hand over the title Your Excellency to a politician as if it’s proof of genius. We treat them like prophets… gods even. We clap for polished speeches, praise unfinished projects as “work in progress,” and turn empty promises into a national economic plan.
On 16 September, Malawi will once again decide who gets promoted from “ordinary human” to Your Excellency.
My fellow Malawians, we are all expecting a leader with economic superpowers so mighty they will stabilize the Kwacha with a snap like Thanos. Jobs? That’s child’s play. This person will create not just 2 million jobs, that’s lazy. We will have a utopian society that will put The Line in Saudi Arabia to shame. Inflation will be under control like leashed pit bulls, the price of bread will be so low even families of 10 will afford a decent breakfast. Fuel queues? Relax, they will vanish like morning dew and forex will rain down again like manna.
Of course, electricity will never flicker again. Are you kidding? ESCOM will be powered directly by lightning bolts from Thor himself. Our hospitals will be stocked to the roof. When it comes to global diplomacy, one handshake at UNGA will be all it takes for the IMF to cancel our loans. I mean, who wouldn’t be impressed by the sheer aura our Excellencies farm?
In short, what we’re waiting for is not just a president, come on, we have had those already for the past 61 years. We are looking for a magician… or a prophet maybe. A superhuman to fix sixty-one years of chaos in five years. Yeah, it’s that deep.
Our problems are bigger and deeper. One of them is our mentality towards these privileged human beings. Look, Your Excellency doesn’t mean they are excellent. It doesn’t mean their ideas are brilliant or their vision is sharp. It simply means they’ve secured enough votes to sit in the big chair and be treated with honour. It’s absurd we the citizens suddenly pretend we’ve elected a genius. Sadly, reality is as depressing as being rejected by a woman in front of a crowd.
It is this man-worship that ruins us. It keeps us trapped in a cycle of mediocrity, where leaders don’t need to deliver results, but only beautiful slogans and questionable manifestos to get into power. It blinds us into confusing power with wisdom. We mistake singing choruses at rallies for building a nation.
Just take a moment and look around. The economy is in shambles, jobs never came, and corruption is thriving like vegetables on cow dung. But who cares? Your Excellency knows best, right? Evison Matafale said, “The insiders are still fighting for want of leadership, corruption is still rising the victim is poor man.” If we could shift our hunger and focus from power to purpose, from greed to governance, maybe then we’d finally sing a song of freedom.
Malawi doesn’t need another “Excellency.” We need leadership that lives up to the word. Until then, we’re just handing out free titles while our country pays the price.
